Of Potions, Teacups, and Tie-Dyed Shirts
by Aira
Summary: A game of Truth or Dare during Potions I submitted for METMA Mandy's challenge. Please R/R. WARNING: high degree of stupidity


A/N: Warning-this contains a high degree of stupidity and pointlessness. There's also some not-so-good language, hence the rating. Some things in this may seem perverted, but it's all in fun. It's for METMA Mandy's challenge. And, yes, I know, Snape (and some other characters) are horrifically out of character. I wrote this mainly because I was bored, and hell, it was fun! Well…hope you enjoy. ;)\  
  
Of Potions, Teacups, and Tie-Dyed Shirts  
  
"Be quiet!" Snape snapped one day during Double Potions, walking in after the class had just settled down. Most stared blankly at him. Not because he was irritable-that was quite a common occurance-but because of his choice of clothing. Professor Snape, normally very intimidating in his robes of black, was wearing pink tights and a tie-dyed T-shirt.  
  
"Professor Snape!" Draco Malfoy gasped, after he was done gawking. "What the hell are you wearing?"  
  
"What do you THINK I'm wearing, Malfoy?" Snape said, with an unusual degree of patience.  
  
No one said anything, but just stared, thinking that Snape had finally lost it. "I see you like my new clothes, class? I bought it at Limited Too yesterday."  
  
If anyone in the class had any doubts about Snape's newly found insanity, they were erased with that last part. Ron was snickering uncontrollably, which several kicks from Hermione failed to stop. Finally, she gave up. And it didn't really matter, because for once, Snape expressed no interest in taking points away from Gryffindor, or from assigning detention. "Anyway, class," he continued, with no bitterness in his voice. "Today we are going to test our Truth Potions in a different way."  
  
While Snape paused for dramatic effect, Ron and Hermione glanced nervously at Harry, who looked like he had to spend the afternoon with Gilderoy Lockhart. "A game of Truth or Dare!" Snape announced happily.  
  
Whatever the class was expecting, this wasn't it. Murmurs echoed through the dungeon, which Snape was completely oblivious to. "Now, everyone must take some of their potion and gather 'round the circle."  
  
The class followed Snape's instructions-whatever trance he was in could end soon, after all. "Potter, you begin," he announced.  
  
"Uh…Hermione? Truth or Dare?"  
  
Hermione did not look pleased at being chosen first, but refrained from commenting. "Dare, I guess," she said.  
  
Harry grinned, unable to resist the temptation. "I dare you to kiss any guy in this room 'cept for me!"  
  
While Hermione blushed furiously, all of the guys looked pleased with this, Ron in particular. They seemed to unconsciously be straightening themselves up, hoping to be the poor soul, or lucky contender, depending on how you looked at it.  
  
"Ooh, baby," Ron moaned, batting his eyelashes.  
  
"Sexy mama," Neville grunted.  
  
Meanwhile, Seamus Finnegan was screaming "Kiss me, I'm Irish!"  
  
On the other hand, Draco Malfoy was saying "You kiss me, Mudblood, and my father will have something to say about it!"  
  
"Um, okay!" Hermione held up her hand. "Everyone who wouldn't mind it if I kissed up, line up here and give me one good reason why I should choose you!"  
  
Every guy except for Harry and Malfoy ran up, including Crabbe and Goyle, much to the dislike of Draco. "You guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuyssss!" he whined. "You're abandoning me! Have you forgotten that orgy we had last nigh-oh, nevermind."  
  
"Okay, now you all have to tell your reasons."  
  
They were as follows:  
  
RON- "I'm your friend, and I took you to the Quidditch World Cup. Plus I'm DEAD SEXY!"  
  
NEVILLE- "Because you're nice?"  
  
DEAN- "No idea, I just wanna play tongue twister!"  
  
SEAMUS- "I already TOLD you, it's 'cause I'm Irish!"  
  
SNAPE- "'Cause I'll fail you if you don't."  
  
CRABBE- "I'm no Gilderoy Lockhart, but I want you, baby."  
  
GOYLE- "Yo soy muy aburrido! See, I can speak Spanish!"  
  
Hermione seems to consider, then says "Snape. I really don't want to fail!"  
  
Every guy shoots her dirty looks, but Hermione and Snape are too involved in their game of tonsil hockey. After about five minutes, they pull away.  
  
"My turn to choose! I choose you, Crabbe!"  
  
Crabbe stands there with a blank expression. "Uh…Truth?"  
  
"Who in this room would you most like to take out on a date?"  
  
"What a dumb question!" Ron says, but everyone knows he's just jealous Hermione didn't choose him.  
  
Crabbe points at Neville, who turns bright pink. "That wasn't so bad! Now what do I do?"  
  
"You choose someone, dumbass," Malfoy mutters.  
  
"I choose you!"  
  
Malfoy laughs. "This I gotta hear. I'll take Dare."  
  
"I dare you to hex Potter!"  
  
"Hey!" Harry protests. "What kind of a dare is that? Malfoy does that anyway."  
  
But Malfoy, happy to comply, performs the Furnuculus Curse on Harry. However, Harry does some tricky rebounding that sends it directly to Crabbe himself. "Oh, my face!" he screams, sounding like a valley girl. "Now what ever will I do? I'll need to get plastic surgery!"  
  
Everyone sighs. "Try going to the hospital wing."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Right."  
  
So Crabbe runs off, still muttering about his ruined complexion. "My turn," smirks Draco. "I pick you, Weasley. Truth or Dare?"  
  
"Uh, Truth," Ron mutters.  
  
"Excellent. Now, do you, or don't you, have a crush on Granger over there?"  
  
Ron blushes so furiously that it was becoming hard to tell the difference between his face and his hair. "I…uh…I…no?"  
  
Everyone except for Ron and Hermione snorts disbelievingly. Snape says, "Tsk…tsk…looks like your Truth Potion needs a little work."  
  
"Of course it does," sang an unfamiliar voice from behind the class.   
  
  
Everyone turns towards the voice. To everyone's amazement, it came from a battered teacup. "I am from the Ministry of Magic!" announces the teacup. "I am here to arrest the following persons:  
Mr. Severus Snape, for the illegal use of Truth Potion.  
Mr. Gregory Goyle, for unregistered use of Spanish.  
Mr. Seamus Finnigan, for being an Irish imposter.  
Mr. Ronald Weasley, for concocting a false truth potion.  
And Miss Hermione Granger, for kissing a teacher."  
  
Everyone began speaking at once:  
  
"Now the Ministry is sending TEACUPS for arrests? Man, is the world that bad off?"  
  
"What's wrong with kissing a teacher?"  
  
"It was an accident about the Truth Potion, I swear it!"  
  
"This isn't illegal! I am Professor Snape, Master of this school. I can do what I want. So HAH!"  
  
"Yo hablo espanol!"  
  
"I AM Irish, Goddammit!"  
  
Harry Potter, however, simply smashes the teacup under his foot. Everyone applauds wildly. "Here's to Harry Potter, The Boy Who Smashed The Teacup!"  
  
  
A/N: I know, I know, this is *really* stupid, sorry. Kudos for surviving.   
  



End file.
